How I Learned to Stop Being a “Chill Girl” and Start Being Me

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If you read Gone Girlyou probably know that women feel a lot of pressure to be low-maintenance, high-fun, and generally sans-need. Men seem to feel no such pressure. A lot of you guys even seem over-chilled and staunchly committed to basketball shorts despite all sartorial advice. But manchill stops with crushes and with the movie The Dark Knight. Liking someone makes it significantly harder to calm down and avoid coming on too strong, no matter that on any given day, 80 percent of your texts are just the thumbs-up emoji. This phrase is simultaneously a no-pressure invite and a reminder that you do cool things without this person and will be doing things whether they come or not. Otherwise, you'll sound like a dick.

Designed for those of you who sweat the small stuff and cry over exes you never technically dated, you capacity be a Girl With No Chill: a shining, relatable beacon of emotions and realness. Sure you might not be the best at holding belongings in, but you're the realest of the real, the friend that all calls when they need empathy after that commentary while Facebook-stalking fuckboys. Here, 16 struggles only girls with absolutely Denial chill will understand:. Needing labels. Do again after me: There's nothing wrong along with wanting to know where you abide. It doesn't have to be akin to, boyfriend-girlfriend or husband or soul assistant or executor of my will although, like, just let me know anywhere we're at, JFC! Replaying crap all the rage your head over and over, after that analyzing everything you think you did wrong. Thursday at 3 a.

The problem was that I was not chill. And I hated it. I yearned to be unburdened from the anxieties of caring and to celebrate in the magnetism of a blowy attitude. This cultural need to pathologize women who not only take the reins of their identity but additionally openly engage the full range of their feelings—you know, as a beneficial human being tends to—remains a anxious battle as old as time. We are each so deliciously complex after that messy; what better way to compensate homage to these multiplicities than en route for feel, to express, and to cut out space to navigate as our purest self?

Beefy, independent women know how to buck up and get stuff done, which makes us hot as hell — although at the end of the calendar day, we just want to come abode and relax. Not only does the ability to work hard and act hard make us well-rounded and boss about as hell, but being chill AF also makes us amazing girlfriends. Guys who date these girls are idiots. No thanks! Have to change plans? Running late? If the situation is reasonable, though, so are we.