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The reality is that most people can only tolerate a certain amount of closeness. We are defended about letting someone else in. When viewing the world from critical or distrusting eyes, we tend to write off a range of potential partners before even giving them a chance. A friend of mine felt closed off to a man who pursued her for more than a year. The men she was drawn to instead tended to be unreliable and emotionally distant. What she found, to her surprise, was a high-level relationship choice, a partner with whom she shared a great deal of mutual interest, and, ultimately, genuine love. We may actually find ourselves in a relationship that is so much more rewarding than those we have experienced. They believe they want a fulfilling relationship more than anything, but they believe even more firmly that no one worthwhile would be interested in them.

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